“I don’t owe the world anything”. It is the mantra of self-care age. You as a human being, need to prioritize yourself. It is important for your well-being.
There is wisdom in this view. A person can’t grow if they are constantly trying to appease and serve others. Beyond material needs, you also have a need to self-actualize. You can’t do that worrying about others, even those closest to you.
However, this has led to a disturbing widespread strain of self-centeredness. People have started using the idea as an excuse to be terrible to others. It is yet another figment of TherapySpeak that provides cover to ghouls and crybullies. Hassan Minhaj put it best:
In this post, I will give a brief explanation about why this concept can eat itself. And why you do, indeed, owe the world something.
Eating Its Tail
Lets assume that the idea is true. Suppose you don’t owe any one any thing. You are not to accountable to your parents request to study harder. Or your partner’s desire to spend more time with them. Your co-worker is mad at you, for not doing enough. Don’t bother apologizing. You don’t owe them anything.
In turn, other people don’t owe you anything. Your parents have no obligation to provide you care or nurturing you. Your friends have no reason to help you in your need. That stranger owes you nothing, therefore, you need not give way when changing lanes on the highway.
Yet they do. Your sibling lets you hang out with their friends. Your partner cooking you your favorite dish. Your teacher giving you a method to make-up your grade. Furthermore, that is something usual. What about all the people that go above an beyond. The driving license tester that let go of your obvious blunder. That classmate that covered for you and maybe even took the blame.
This means that they are doing you favors. And favors have to be returned, otherwise you are just an 🤬. And also in the future people will not do these favors, owing to this behavior. Making your life more difficult.
The Dilemma
I understand that this is not what the concept means in terms of psychotherapy. It is to explain to suffering people that they can put their needs and wants above others. And I doubt any therapist or psychiatrist puts this idea in these terms. The problem is social media based culture promotes three things:
- A proto-Narcisistic[1] form of attention-seeking Individualism.
- Simplistic explanations for complex problems and ideas.
- An lulling of the senses for the media-unsavvy(?) audience.
In this case, it has created a social contagion that can’t sustain itself. We as people are not merely individuals. We can’t survive on our own. Unlike other animals, humans are not born with the ability to move on their own. We need other people, and “I don’t owe anyone anything” is a broken way to look at things.
Tradition
I am not saying anything new. This is how all civilizations have worked as far as we know. Even hunter-gatherer tribes. That is how we have raised children, plowed fields, and worked out debts. Having an individual sense of needs is important. But so is reaching out and going out of your way to serve others. You do owe the world something.
[1] Another term rendered meaning due to online overuse.
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